The Double Standard: Women, Men & Sex!

Source: Google Images

Source: Google Images

This particular post came about during several conversations with both men and women.  When I reference “sex” in this post I don’t just mean the physical action, but everything that comes along with it…you know, kissing, touching, talking, dating, friends with benefits, and so on.  Continue reading

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Are Women More Forgiving Than Men?

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As a 30-something year old woman it’s hard to not think back on relationships where I endured so much because of my forgiving nature. Continue reading

How Social Media Replaced The Woman’s Intuition!

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I know he’s cheating…I can just feel it!  This used to be how women expressed their reasoning when they thought their significant other was being unfaithful.  It was a feeling, intuition, something that could be FELT in the pit of their stomachs.  Nowadays…chile please!  Social media IS a woman’s intuition.  Continue reading

Do You Know How to Break Up With Someone?

Source: realchristianmcqueen.com

Source: realchristianmcqueen.com

 

 

With Valentine’s Day in our rear view mirrors, it’s probably appropriate to talk about the art of breaking up (hee hee).  You could say that recent events in my own life have made me stop and think about why breaking up is so hard to do.  I personally commend all of those heartless men and women out there who have the ability to sever ties and not look back. Me?  I’m like that puppy that knows when you’re going out of town and all they do is whimper and cry as you pack your bags, as if it will change someone’s mind.  I mean, call it separation anxiety or being a softy, but I just don’t break up with people…I just CAN’T do it!

 

So, here’s MY deal.  I get so attached to people, I invest all of my energy into someone that when the time comes and the dreadful downward spiral begins, it just seems impossible.  It honestly feels like breaking up would be the equivalent of not having an arm or not being able to breathe…you just can’t imagine that, right?

 

Can you break up with someone? How do you do it? Is it this insane build up of awkward exchanges then one day you finally break and blurt out, “YOU CAN’T SIT WITH US?!” like in the movie Mean Girls?  Or do you just distance yourself until the other person breaks up with you so that you don’t have to do the dirty work? Or do you just disappear and hope that no one notices?    I’m sure someONE must have the answers…right?

 

Far too often relationships feel like a chore and from a very young age, many of us have heard relationships take work and love is hard.  But, I’m not so sure that’s true. If two people are in love, sure, there will be tough times, but shouldn’t it be the ONE thing in life that you don’t have to work at?  Shouldn’t it be that “gimme” from God that’s just not too hard?  Maybe if being with someone was understood to be just a temporary “thing” then ending it wouldn’t be such a difficult task.  At some point I’m sure I’ll have to grow up and put my big girl panties on and learn how to do the breaking up thing, but for now I’ll let the grown-ups master that art.  I’m OK with being an incapable 32-year-old sucker!

 

Are You Giving Too Much To The World?

Hello, Dreamers!

Every once in a while,  I like to step away from the mainstream BS and get grounded.  I will preface this post by saying,  I don’t go to church every Sunday like I used to, so the spiritual simulation that I receive is something I have to really work for and desire enough to seek.  With that said,  I really spend a lot of my off days thinking,  meditating, being by myself,  writing, etc.

A thought came to me recently and I began wondering,  why do I lend the world so much of myself?  Think about it.  You want to remain valuable at work so you do the best you can and put in extra hours,  pick up other people’s slack,  go above and beyond.  You want to get in shape so you watch what you eat, go grocery shopping,  diet. You want your partner to be happy so you take them on a date,  buy them something nice,  talk about things,  cook a romantic dinner, sacrifice.   Whatever it is that you do, think about all of the energy that you put out on a daily basis… what’s left for just you?  How are you happy as an individual?

When a relationship or job suddenly ends,  what’s the first thing that you think?  All of the sacrifices I made,  the time,  the work… wasted. Sure, there are lessons,  but the feeling of disappointment is prominent.  I’m learning that if we (the people in this world) begin to take more time for ourselves,  if we keep a little something within,  if we don’t give everything to the world,  we can avoid that feeling. 

Personally, in giving so much, I tend to lose myself and I know some of you can relate.  I often remind myself that it’s OK to not let everyone in,  to not divulge my life,  to not always be the one to sacrifice,  to keep a little something just for me.  Learning this balance has been a constant battle,  but I will get there. 

A Road Less Traveled.

I think we all reach points in our life when there’s a fork in the road.  We have the choice to either go left or right, not knowing which direction is the correct one.  I’m more of a choose-neither-kind-of-gal and see what happens if I go straight!  It’s how I’ve chosen to live my life and whether or not it was ever the best decision for me, it’s gotten me to THIS very point in my life.  Do I have regrets? Sure do.  Are there things that I would change if I could? Absolutely.  However, in the end, all of the choices that I have made for myself, were means to a lesson.  So, what sort of things have I learned? I’m blessed even when I don’t get all that I pray for, I love like it’s going out of style, I’m stronger than I give myself credit for, I will forgive someone a million times without them doing the same for me, and most of all, I am able to accept the consequences for my actions even if “in the moment” I don’t want to.

On the other hand, something that I struggle with DEEPLY is accepting the criticism of others.  Because my heart is so big and I love so hard, sometimes I feel like I can’t do much to offend those that I love the most, but I now know that this is so far from the truth.  I’ve had people teach me some crazy lessons recently and their words have stuck in my head.  I’m guilty of holding some to such a high standard that is virtually impossible for them to ever meet.  When they fail at living up to my “standards” I am the first one there to make them aware of their mistake. I’m also guilty of being so easily filled with anger when my feelings are hurt and what’s inside of me comes out through my words…words that can be hurtful.  I’m also very emotional and with emotions come blurred judgments.  And these are just a few.



You may be wondering why I’m disclosing any of this.  Well, I believe that it is our (the world’s) responsibility to openly share parts of our journey that could prove to be helpful to others.  I want to be the best representation of myself to the world and as I grow, I realize that no matter how many times I fail or I fall down or I take the wrong path at the fork in the road, I still have to live with myself.  I still have to look in the mirror and look into the eyes of the person staring back at me.  One thing I am sure of is, I am completely grateful for the people that have stuck by my side.  I am forever grateful for those that have chosen to make me a better person rather than giving up even when I made it the easy option.  It is because of them that I have lifelong friends, strong family ties and the motivation to be a better woman.

With this in mind, I made a list.  A list of things that I want to work on within me because whether I choose left, right or straight, the path begins and ends with the person walking it…and I want to be a wise traveler.

1. Cut back on cussing (totally a work in progress, but the change starts now-words are powerful)

2. Listen to others speak, more than I listen to myself speak

3. Start admitting when I am wrong

4. Tell my family/friends “thank you” and “I appreciate you” more than I point the finger

5. The people that walk away…let them!



It’s a small list, but it’s my start.  No one is perfect, so I challenge you to make your own and do your best to stick with it!

He’s a Man With More than Just “Love Games”

When you hear his name, you may not recognize it unless you are an avid Love Games fan, but he’s certainly on his way to stardom.  After I saw one episode I was hooked and not because the show was the best on television, but because he grabbed my attention.  That person was Matthew Goodman, a.k.a. Matt.  Of course some would see his handsome look and pretty smile and think the obvious, but there was a feeling of genuine charm that couldn’t be ignored.  He stood out from the others and I knew I had to get a deeper peek into what he was all about.  I took a chance and requested an interview with the young man and of course, in true southern gentleman fashion, he agreed to give his fans a sneak peak into his world.

Native to Atlanta, GA Matt knew at a young age that he wanted to be in the lime light and show the world what he was made of.  So far, it looks as though he is succeeding with his goal!  He’s been seen in films such as, Stomp the Yard 2: Homecoming and 5 Days in the Day “A”.  He was also featured as a cast member on BET’S College Hill Atlanta Season 5, as well as, BET’s 106 & Park and Spring Bling.  You may have also seen him showing off his skills on Showtime at the Apollo’s Dance Competition in 2006, where he won over the crowd 3 times!  Matt’s most recent camera time has been captured on Oxygen’s Love Games, where he was chosen as the winner who found love with Bad Girl’s Club voodoo vixen, Judi.  He explains, “Love Games was a more intimate, personal level that people were able to view me in.  I feel that it was an exposure platform for what is to come in the near future…”

Not only is he making his way through Hollywood, but he’s also making his way through Atlanta by helping out local organizations and foundations such as, the Ludacris Foundation and the Boys and Girls Club.  He spends his free time helping out and giving back; something that is becoming very rare among those finding success.  When asked what he wanted the first thing people thought of when they heard his name he said, “Real, Ambitious, Intellectual, Gentleman, Humble.  Evenly spread across the board, these words best describe me as an ever-evolving individual.”

His answer alone is unique, therefore it seems only fitting that his career take the same mold. Matthew isn’t just interested in being on the big screen, but he also has musical aspirations that include rapping, writing, producing and performing across the globe.  He is slated to release his EP by Spring 2012.  My main goal is to always uncover what inspires someone to keep pushing and the things that keep Matt pursuing his music and television are simple. In his words:

The love and passion for music, as well as television and film, is what continues to drive me to pursue my career as I do. Secondly, the support and feedback that I receive from people everyday plays a huge role in where I’m currently at in my career.

With dreams of success in mind, Matt is charting his own territory in the industry, but inquisitive minds may wonder how he won’t be sucked into the world of being just an ordinary reality star.  Let’s face it, it’s the new fad for young people making their rise to fame, but if you are one of the individuals left to wonder if he will fall victim, check out how he plans on NOT allowing this to happen:

I plan on making sure that reality T.V. success won’t niche me as a typical “reality T.V. star” by constantly reinventing myself and who I am as a person.  You’re not the same person you were a year ago, not even a few months ago.  With that being said, there is always room for growth and improvement. I have lifelong business, as well as, personal goals I’ve set for myself and being young, complacency is not an option nor an excuse.

Well, there you have it.  He just may be as unique as he seems and driven to go against the norm.  My interview is just a small peak into the world of someone who is clearly destined for something big, but the glimpse may inspire others to stick with their goals and attain their own success, such as Matthew Goodman.  So, what is his God-given purpose in life?  He tells his fans:

I feel that because I am still alive and breathing, I have not yet fulfilled my ideal God-given purpose.  Nevertheless, I  feel that I have a special gift in communicating with people.  I’m a people person and I would love to reach different ethnicities and cultures, through music and artistic expression.

His journey is picking up speed and I can’t help but be excited for what’s to come of this young, humble, intellectual and ambitious young man’s life and career.  One thing’s for sure, the right attitude goes a long way and for that alone, greatness is definitely in his future.

If you want to learn more about Matthew, visit his website: http://www.matthewdgoodman.com/

 

You can also check out this clip of the Love Games Season 3 Finale: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L3ZBXSbRpu8

As always, another story of hard work and dedication proves to have a pay off.  This is just another sign that there are plenty of dreams to be had in the Dreamgirl’s world!

Out With The Old…In With The Old???

I thought the saying was, “Out with the old, in with the new” right?  At least that’s how I think it’s supposed to work, but no…of course it just couldn’t be that simple for me as it is for most people.  I sometimes feel like I’m funneling the old with the older.  Whether it’s through repetition of events or having people in my life that simply don’t offer progression, but are stifling instead.

In order to avoid falling into the same old traps of love, career choices, money habits, etc. I have decided to focus my energy on my surroundings.  My journey is all about trying new things, getting through the “storms” in my life and creating my own success with maintained faith; why not shift my tunnel vision a bit and learn something “new”?  In refocusing my thoughts and talents, I am building a greater appreciation for the successful people in my life who are also on their own path of “becoming” better individuals.  I know tons of men and women who are grinding EVERYDAY for what they believe in.  How did they get there? Where did they start? What things have they done to keep a high level of motivation? What motivates them to wake up every day and be the best they can be?

These are all questions that so many of us need the answers to!  In order to welcome a good change or a different perspective, I’ve found that it’s often a wise choice to look at those around us and learn from them.  Afterall, I’m the Queen of “Everyone is in your life for a reason!” and it’s time to dig into the brains of the fabulous people I call my family, friends and strangers who I’m meeting in the cyber world (no creeps, I promise).  I will be highlighting the lives and careers of individuals from all walks of life who can offer wisdom to not only me, but to my readers as well!

THOUGHT: If you think this world only consists of personal wisdom and one path to choose from, you are selling yourself very short! Allow other people to be your muse, your mentor, your “light” source.