A Road Less Traveled.

I think we all reach points in our life when there’s a fork in the road.  We have the choice to either go left or right, not knowing which direction is the correct one.  I’m more of a choose-neither-kind-of-gal and see what happens if I go straight!  It’s how I’ve chosen to live my life and whether or not it was ever the best decision for me, it’s gotten me to THIS very point in my life.  Do I have regrets? Sure do.  Are there things that I would change if I could? Absolutely.  However, in the end, all of the choices that I have made for myself, were means to a lesson.  So, what sort of things have I learned? I’m blessed even when I don’t get all that I pray for, I love like it’s going out of style, I’m stronger than I give myself credit for, I will forgive someone a million times without them doing the same for me, and most of all, I am able to accept the consequences for my actions even if “in the moment” I don’t want to.

On the other hand, something that I struggle with DEEPLY is accepting the criticism of others.  Because my heart is so big and I love so hard, sometimes I feel like I can’t do much to offend those that I love the most, but I now know that this is so far from the truth.  I’ve had people teach me some crazy lessons recently and their words have stuck in my head.  I’m guilty of holding some to such a high standard that is virtually impossible for them to ever meet.  When they fail at living up to my “standards” I am the first one there to make them aware of their mistake. I’m also guilty of being so easily filled with anger when my feelings are hurt and what’s inside of me comes out through my words…words that can be hurtful.  I’m also very emotional and with emotions come blurred judgments.  And these are just a few.

You may be wondering why I’m disclosing any of this.  Well, I believe that it is our (the world’s) responsibility to openly share parts of our journey that could prove to be helpful to others.  I want to be the best representation of myself to the world and as I grow, I realize that no matter how many times I fail or I fall down or I take the wrong path at the fork in the road, I still have to live with myself.  I still have to look in the mirror and look into the eyes of the person staring back at me.  One thing I am sure of is, I am completely grateful for the people that have stuck by my side.  I am forever grateful for those that have chosen to make me a better person rather than giving up even when I made it the easy option.  It is because of them that I have lifelong friends, strong family ties and the motivation to be a better woman.

With this in mind, I made a list.  A list of things that I want to work on within me because whether I choose left, right or straight, the path begins and ends with the person walking it…and I want to be a wise traveler.

1. Cut back on cussing (totally a work in progress, but the change starts now-words are powerful)

2. Listen to others speak, more than I listen to myself speak

3. Start admitting when I am wrong

4. Tell my family/friends “thank you” and “I appreciate you” more than I point the finger

5. The people that walk away…let them!

It’s a small list, but it’s my start.  No one is perfect, so I challenge you to make your own and do your best to stick with it!

Can You Call it Support When it’s Done from the Shadows?

It’s been such an exciting time in my life, getting the chance to take a sneak peak into the lives of others, some complete strangers.  However, it seems fitting to take a step back and say “hello” to my readers and share a story.  In anyone’s life, there are highs and there are not-so-highs (better than saying lows), but there are lessons in everything that we go through.  I’ve decided to share one of the lessons that I came away with, with all of you…maybe you can let me know your take on it.  Before I begin, my question to you is: What’s your idea of showing support?

When you put your thoughts, your craft, your goal(s) on display for the world to see (and critique) that can be scary, as I’ve mentioned in previous posts.  One thing that can help someone work through the anxiety and pressure is the support of others (friends, family, significant other, etc.).  There is NOTHING that can replace a “good job” or “great post” or “wow! your site is so cool” or “amazing interview”…you get the point!  You want to know that the people you hold close are out there taking time to “support” you in your endeavor.  How would you feel if, someone that you were really close to, supported from the “shadows” in a place where you couldn’t see or recognize it?  Would that support still count?  Would you still call it “support” if you didn’t know that they were even giving it to you?  That’s exactly what happened to me.  I won’t use any names, we’ll call them Dasher, but the person reading this from the shadows, will know that this is about them (keep in mind, I can’t tell who is reading my blog, unless they tell me directly or they leave a comment).  Dasher expressed that leaving a comment on my blog is my way of wanting “their presence to be known to everybody” when I already know they are the “type of person who lives in the shadows.” So, basically it’s wrong for me to expect them to do such a thing when I already know it’s not in their nature.  

Here’s my take on it.  What the f**k does that mean? I secretly laughed out loud in shock.  Something about that is just plain old conceited.  To think, they believe the only reason I want them to leave a comment or show me they are there, is because I want THEIR presence to be known.  HA!  As if!  This is really what it’s about…read and pay attention!  When I care about someone enough to spend time with them, share moments, or even talk to them, or call them my friend, that automatically makes them somewhat special to me because I don’t do that, with or for, just anyone.  As I draw closer to them and build trust, there’s no hiding that they are special…my light naturally shines through.  When you have that inner light shining, there’s no such thing as living in the shadows.  Therefore, whatever they are working on or pursuing, I naturally want to let them know, “I support you!”   It may not be every day, but at some point I will show my support OUTWARDLY and not because I want the world (a.k.a. “everybody”, as Dasher said) to see, but because I would be so proud.

The Lesson I Learned: Not everyone shows support in the same way, that’s fine.  However, it’s crucial to let those you love and care about, know that you recognize their efforts and success.