I’m taking a break (and a risk) in changing the pace a bit to express my opinions about the season premiere of Love and Hip Hop. It has caused quite a stir and is the spark of many “water cooler” conversations.  I think there is a lesson to be learned by this first episode…perception is key!

Let’s start with Kimbella…UGH!  For those that don’t know, Kimbella is the lady friend of Juelz Santana.  Her whole ora was just STANK from the very start.  You are invited to a group event and you BEGIN by acting stuck up and out of line!   I normally don’t like to pre-judge others, but DANG she is beyond annoying and it was hard to fully watch the episode.  In a world where someone’s life is but only one click away, how do you NOT see them on TV and come to your own conclusions?  Throughout the entire episode I was taken back because, although it was an exaggerated segment of scenes, I don’t surround myself with the “Kimbellas” of the world. Maybe my opinion of her will change as the season goes on, but for now…NOPE!  I am not a fan of her!

Moving on! Chrissy was the spark and subject of many Tweets and Facebook status updates.  Some thought that she was wrong for physically attacking the aforementioned young lady, while others actually identified with her because, they too, would have defended their friend just like she did.  Again, for those that did not watch the episode, here is a QUICK summary.  Everyone is at a house gathering at Emily’s apartment to celebrate her new-found independence from long time rapper boyfriend, Fabolous (Fab).  While all of the women are socializing, Kimbella drops a MAJOR bomb and reveals that she dated Fabolous 3 years prior.  The catch?  Emily was also dating Fab and was pregnant with their son.  Chrissy was outraged that this woman had the audacity to spill the beans at, what was supposed to be, such a nice event.  People may not agree, but I would have cussed someone out the same way Chrissy did, all to defend my friend!  The a$$ whoopin’ that she delivered was just an added bonus.

Now, some may think that I am going a bit overboard and I shouldn’t be inserting my opinions based off of a mere reality television guilty pleasure, but this particular episode represents what actually happens with females.  Catty behavior, bad attitudes, he said she said, infidelity, etc…it ALL contributes to drama amongst friends and it causes you to PERCEIVE a certain situation in a way that may or may not be necessary.  So which role will you be playing in your real life episode?  Kimbella or Chrissy?

Questions:

1. Do you think Chrissy was wrong for getting physical?

2. Was Kimbella’s timing off when she disclosed her relationship with Fab?

3. Are you #TeamKimbella or #TeamChrissy?

Sidenote: I think I like Somaya way more this season!

STAY TUNED…

This is probably going to be the most revealing and roller coaster-ish blogs I’ve written so far.  There’s a lot that I have always kept to myself and dealt with on my own, but in order for me to let my past stay in the past, I must speak on it in my present in order to have a better future.  It’s all about creating clear mental space!  There are people who have BEYOND hurt me and they probably don’t even know.  I find that it isn’t always necessary to say, “I feel like you hurt me” or “Remember that one day you said [insert mean comment]?”  Sometimes, it takes a while for someone to feel the effects of gossip or rumors…well, I can speak from experience.  It takes more than a pretty face to avoid the effects of another person’s ignorance.  I will say that my college years were nothing short of interesting!  They were good, bad, scary, fun…all rolled into one.

I met life-long friends and also came in contact with people who would be in my life for only a season.  I had a great education and took away some amazing experiences!  With all that said, there is a “but!”  The students at my school, weren’t always the best and for the first time, I’m speaking out on it.  To break it down, there was a small population of what I like to now call, “haters” who never knew me, but always had something to say.  There were plenty of jealous girls that I could call out by name, but instead we will just call them the “I’m light so I know I’m right” crew!  Then there were the “I think I’m in the NBA already” star athletes that had all the girls!  My favorite of all…the “I won’t say it to your face, but instead I will spread nasty lies about you behind your back” hater-ific bammas!

I say all of this to once and for all, shed light to what others THINK they know about me.  So many of my fellow Mason classmates assumed a great deal.  A lot of individuals never took the time to get to know me, but had a whole lot of opinions.  Their motive? I have no clue!  I’ve had to deal with members of a certain sorority (stay tuned to find out which one) telling my boyfriend at the time that they would let me pledge, put me through hell, then drop me so he better tell me not to go through with it if I know what’s best.  Their motive? One of them was extremely into the guy I was with. In the end, they missed out on a great addition to their organization all because of a college crush!  Nothing tops the time I had a close friend tell me that the Mason basketball team began spreading rumors about me.  Their motive? I wouldn’t sleep with one of the guys on the team.  The rumor? His name? Not important, but he knows who he is (if you REALLY want to know, it will be in my book). I think that one hurt the most…I was very cautious of who I hung out with and I guess this was a mistake that I would regret for a very long time.  His anger towards my rejection was the ultimate price to pay.  Guess having drinks with someone and saying no was a crime back then.  

I’ve had girls threaten to hurt me, had a 30-year-old R.A. try to get me fired because, once again, I wouldn’t entertain his advances.  He actually told me that he “isn’t friends with girls who don’t sleep with him” because “there wasn’t a point.”  His motive?  The panty-dropper who would go to any extent to get the goods.  He taught me that a guy will go to any extent to get what he wants…learned that very early in the game.  I could go on and on and on about the pitiful stories and dirty lies, but truth be told, I kept to myself a lot while I was in college. Especially after I got a taste of what popularity was.  Spent most of my free time off campus because all of my friends had cars.  Lived at the furthest point on campus so that I didn’t have to deal with drama (it followed me of course).  I worked full-time hours and went to school full-time for every year I was at Mason (what most people didn’t know about me).  So to all of those people who “knew” me I can now say that not only did you make me stronger in the long run, but you taught me several life lessons!  During this learning stage, I doubted myself.  I questioned who I was and often wondered what could allow someone to think that it was OK to say and do a lot of these things to me.  I think it’s quite funny that all of these years later, the same people who tried to bring me down are the ones apologizing for their actions and looking to become cool with me.

However, shame on you for being so morally ugly, dishonest, and hateful!  What’s in a reputation?  Everything…if you give it that much power.

THOUGHT: Be careful of who you let close to your throne…they just may be your next backstabber. 

I can’t just jump right in and start from adulthood…there’s something valuable in knowing where my journey begins, so here is the fast forwarded version.  Born in Flushing Queens, NY…raised in Philly…now living in DC (well, the DMV)!  I didn’t realize what any of this would actually mean until I got older.  Although only my infant years were lived in Queens, I remained strong to my New York pride as I spent all-year-round time at my Grandparents’ apartment in the Bronx,  and driving up for almost every holiday. 

The city I was raised in was Philly and without a doubt, it shed light to a whole new life…one that I knew I wanted out of.  As my infant years became my toddler years, then my childhood years, then my teenage years…I noticed that the trips to my second home of NYC were few and far in between.  Tragedy struck my family in more ways than one.  Drugs, violence, and above all…DEATH. At a young age, I came to know what death really meant as I lost two uncles to drugs.  Another two disappeared and weren’t seen for years…also due to drugs.  Although depressing, it was a life lesson that I still hold close. NO ONE IS EXEMPT FROM GOING DOWN THE WRONG PATH IN LIFE. Despite experiencing those tragic moments, my parents were amazing at keeping me focused, driven and sheltered even though I was surrounded by chaos.

Not living in the best neighborhoods in Philly had its ups and its downs. I was able to pin point people that I knew I didn’t want to become and I made friends with the neighborhood dope boys…I lived in a few areas of Philly, but the hood I spent most of my key years in was in South Philly.  Crazy enough, I was never scared because I made nice with the right people who watched out for me.  Almost all of them told me that I was different…to stay in school…there’s nothing here…live your life.  That’s exactly what I did!  I made sure to go to college outside of the Tri-State area (PA, NJ, NY).  Once I graduated, I knew I didn’t want to stay home for long and after two years of working, saving money, learning, being loved by my parents, enjoying my friends, I knew that it was time.  I packed my bags, jumped in my blue Toyota Echo, headed for the DMV (DC, MD, VA) and I knew I didn’t want to go back to the 215 unless it was to visit.  I love my city that I was raised in, but in order for me to break free of the norm and truly be fulfilled I had to get out there and live without my safety net.  But, one thing I realize now is that your safety net is never gone no matter how far you move.  That’s the beauty of it all!  As much as I tried to get away, I always go back and have a new appreciation for my family, my friends, and my city!  The DMV is simply where I dwell…my real home is where my heart is, but I needed my new dwelling spot in order to be kicked into the next phase of my life!

THOUGHT:  Sometimes you have to leave what you know in order to find who you are.

Every day…I would do the same thing.  Wake up, get dressed, go to work, come home, eat dinner, go to bed…theeeen do it allll over again!  Underneath the smile, I felt like a robot.  Then one day I actually started to look like a robot…I just looked mean and bored and just UGH!  That’s when I started thinking to myself, “THIS CAN’T BE LIFE!!!”  Is my purpose to really live out the same routine every day?  Am I going to head into my 30’s thinking that I should have done more in my 20’s???

Then I started to look around at my closest friends/family.  I have a Dad who turned his life around…became goal oriented, got his Bachelor’s AND Master’s in less than 6 years!  REALLY?!?!  I have a best friend who started her own company (Embellished Affairs)…another close friend who is making it BIG in L.A. (yup, you C!)…a brother who is ALSO making it big in L.A. (love you E!)…like really?!?!  I’m surrounded by people who are DOING THE DAMN THING!!!  That’s when I knew!  I’m not supposed to be a robot! I want to feel what all of these people feel!  I want to smile “just because”…basically, I wanted to get a life and do something fun…something that would make a difference and make me feel proud (and also not waste my dad’s spent money on my expensive English degree)!

It’s never good to get complacent…never good to just BE comfortable with the bare minimum.  I’m in the beginning stages of my “new life”, but boooy oh boy…I am loving this feeling!  I am learning to stay grounded with God and become motivated by my FOUNDATION of family and friends.  PEOPLE, don’t be bored…get out there and LIVE LIVE LIVE!!!

THOUGHT: In order to live, you have to die first! Get rid of the “old” you and move forward into your purpose!  Look at me…I just started doing something I love…which is WRITE and talk a whole lot!!!  And if no one else loves it, I DO and that is what fulfills me!!!