This is probably going to be the most revealing and roller coaster-ish blogs I’ve written so far. There’s a lot that I have always kept to myself and dealt with on my own, but in order for me to let my past stay in the past, I must speak on it in my present in order to have a better future. It’s all about creating clear mental space! There are people who have BEYOND hurt me and they probably don’t even know. I find that it isn’t always necessary to say, “I feel like you hurt me” or “Remember that one day you said [insert mean comment]?” Sometimes, it takes a while for someone to feel the effects of gossip or rumors…well, I can speak from experience. It takes more than a pretty face to avoid the effects of another person’s ignorance. I will say that my college years were nothing short of interesting! They were good, bad, scary, fun…all rolled into one.
I met life-long friends and also came in contact with people who would be in my life for only a season. I had a great education and took away some amazing experiences! With all that said, there is a “but!” The students at my school, weren’t always the best and for the first time, I’m speaking out on it. To break it down, there was a small population of what I like to now call, “haters” who never knew me, but always had something to say. There were plenty of jealous girls that I could call out by name, but instead we will just call them the “I’m light so I know I’m right” crew! Then there were the “I think I’m in the NBA already” star athletes that had all the girls! My favorite of all…the “I won’t say it to your face, but instead I will spread nasty lies about you behind your back” hater-ific bammas!
I say all of this to once and for all, shed light to what others THINK they know about me. So many of my fellow Mason classmates assumed a great deal. A lot of individuals never took the time to get to know me, but had a whole lot of opinions. Their motive? I have no clue! I’ve had to deal with members of a certain sorority (stay tuned to find out which one) telling my boyfriend at the time that they would let me pledge, put me through hell, then drop me so he better tell me not to go through with it if I know what’s best. Their motive? One of them was extremely into the guy I was with. In the end, they missed out on a great addition to their organization all because of a college crush! Nothing tops the time I had a close friend tell me that the Mason basketball team began spreading rumors about me. Their motive? I wouldn’t sleep with one of the guys on the team. The rumor? His name? Not important, but he knows who he is (if you REALLY want to know, it will be in my book). I think that one hurt the most…I was very cautious of who I hung out with and I guess this was a mistake that I would regret for a very long time. His anger towards my rejection was the ultimate price to pay. Guess having drinks with someone and saying no was a crime back then.
I’ve had girls threaten to hurt me, had a 30-year-old R.A. try to get me fired because, once again, I wouldn’t entertain his advances. He actually told me that he “isn’t friends with girls who don’t sleep with him” because “there wasn’t a point.” His motive? The panty-dropper who would go to any extent to get the goods. He taught me that a guy will go to any extent to get what he wants…learned that very early in the game. I could go on and on and on about the pitiful stories and dirty lies, but truth be told, I kept to myself a lot while I was in college. Especially after I got a taste of what popularity was. Spent most of my free time off campus because all of my friends had cars. Lived at the furthest point on campus so that I didn’t have to deal with drama (it followed me of course). I worked full-time hours and went to school full-time for every year I was at Mason (what most people didn’t know about me). So to all of those people who “knew” me I can now say that not only did you make me stronger in the long run, but you taught me several life lessons! During this learning stage, I doubted myself. I questioned who I was and often wondered what could allow someone to think that it was OK to say and do a lot of these things to me. I think it’s quite funny that all of these years later, the same people who tried to bring me down are the ones apologizing for their actions and looking to become cool with me.
OK. So. you did it. Stabbed your pin into your own heart and wrote this post with the blood, sweat and tears of your past. I’m proud of you. Tho, I feel like this needs to be a series to even scrape the surface and give this topic the attention it deserves.
By far, best post to date.
I was only brave enough because I had the support of my best friend the entire time. You truly are the ONLY person who really knows all of what I went through and you will never know how grateful I am. This was something that was long overdue and yes, will be touched upon in future posts. Thanks Tab!!!
I don’t know you that well, but I do realize how much courage it takes to be that transparent about something you’ve been holding in that deep. And for that, you get all of my respect. You didn’t have to release that, and especially not on here but you did. Your motive?? I’d say to give others the strength to overcome these similar situations&keep them(and the people in them)right where they should be…UNDER their feet. Well done.
Thanks! That truly means a lot to me…you hit the nail on the head. It wasn’t easy, but it had to be done in order for me to, not only help myself, but to help others as well.
Keep it up Dani!!! Love the blog 🙂