Well folks, did you learn anything THIS week?!?! Of coooourse you didn’t! Why? Because that ish isn’t reaaal (hee hee)! Regardless of the fakery, once again, I was able to snag some lessons that we could all learn from. Check them out:
1. If you name your kid “Stevie J,” #2 and #3 will more than likely define their path and they’ll look like this:
Aaaaaaand like this:
And bite you like THIS:
2. If you got to therapy with your baby daddy and his side chic, you’ll have to watch him wipe sweat off of her nose.
3. If your baby daddy’s side chic finds out he hasn’t been faithful to her either, your a$$ better bob and weave because she’s going to start swinging (something you should have done already)!
4. If you do vagina exercises now, you will have that snapper in your 40’s that will cause a man to buy you diamonds after less than a month of dating (and all you have to buy him is a fake metal puzzle piece to carry around his neck)!
5. Don’t ever be surprised when your ex drops a mixtape, has a release party, doesn’t invite you and instead brings his new jumpoff (after all, he did take his couches back when he moved out!).
6. Being on a show called, “Love & Hip Hop” when you’re an R&B singer may offer some insight as to why you aren’t further along in your career (but we thank you for being such a great friend to everyone!).
7. Going to see a therapist that says, “WHAT THE HELLLL WAS THAT?!?!” or “Look at the bottom of your shoe…you’ve stepped in something again” may not be the best life choice lol.
The foolery has us entertained if nothing else…who knows why I subject myself to this madness. Oh, wait…I know why…because it makes my life look somewhat normal lol!
The answer is simple…not a DAMN thing! Ok, ok, that was harsh, but seriously…this show CAN’T be real! Of course, that’s because it’s NOT, but it does highlight some interesting things. Check out what you can take away from this ratchet display of poor acting and fake plots:
1. Don’t have babies unless you’re married or else you’ll end up like Mimi, chasing off a Spanish poodle who raps.
2. If you’re going to pounce someone on the first date, don’t do it on national television like K. Michelle.
3. Don’t trust anyone named Stevie J.
4. If you date Benzino for a week, he will give you a key to his house and get you a huge meeting with one of the biggest label executives.
5. Don’t hire your husband as your manager…if you do, you’re going to have to suffer through firing him!
6. If you date a rapper, he will leave you for his best friend and take his couches back when he moves out.