Well folks, did you learn anything THIS week?!?! Of coooourse you didn’t! Why? Because that ish isn’t reaaal (hee hee)! Regardless of the fakery, once again, I was able to snag some lessons that we could all learn from. Check them out:
1. If you name your kid “Stevie J,” #2 and #3 will more than likely define their path and they’ll look like this:
Aaaaaaand like this:
And bite you like THIS:
2. If you got to therapy with your baby daddy and his side chic, you’ll have to watch him wipe sweat off of her nose.
3. If your baby daddy’s side chic finds out he hasn’t been faithful to her either, your a$$ better bob and weave because she’s going to start swinging (something you should have done already)!
4. If you do vagina exercises now, you will have that snapper in your 40’s that will cause a man to buy you diamonds after less than a month of dating (and all you have to buy him is a fake metal puzzle piece to carry around his neck)!
5. Don’t ever be surprised when your ex drops a mixtape, has a release party, doesn’t invite you and instead brings his new jumpoff (after all, he did take his couches back when he moved out!).
6. Being on a show called, “Love & Hip Hop” when you’re an R&B singer may offer some insight as to why you aren’t further along in your career (but we thank you for being such a great friend to everyone!).
7. Going to see a therapist that says, “WHAT THE HELLLL WAS THAT?!?!” or “Look at the bottom of your shoe…you’ve stepped in something again” may not be the best life choice lol.